I’ve been having some conversations with mom friends lately, and I’ve noticed a trend. It’s weighing on my heart enough to break out the blog after over a year of silence — so listen up.
Mom friends young and old keep talking about the same thing they should be doing. From newly weds with tiny babies, to those with 20+ years of marriage and multiple children already out of high school. I noticed that we keep going back to the same topic. We should all be keeping the house better. The reasons for shoulding on our cleaning skills range from “I like it clean. It doesn’t stress me out as much;” up to, “my husband gets mad about it being so bad.” And a few “I’m sorry, just don’t come to my house” thrown in for good measure. And I’m right there too!
So, here’s my take. An opinion I thought worthy of resurrecting a stale old blog to write. Are you ready for this ground breaker… A messy house is not a sin.
I can’t take full credit for that wisdom, a fellow mom in a Facebook group told me that a few months ago. But it has taken a while for that to really settle in my heart as the truth.
I grew up in a traditional American home. My mom cleaned habitually. We had to follow her around while she swept, or dusted, or washed dishes if we wanted to talk to her. My dad came in from work and sat down with the paper, or turned on the weather, until after supper. Those were the roles that were demonstrated. And those are the rolls many of us are still trying to live up to.
Wives and moms, listen, we come from a loooong line of women who were told by society that our primary goal in life should be to make our home “happy.” Now, I’m no women’s libber, and I do believe we should strive for harmony in our homes. But listen, it ain’t 1940 anymore! We are working – either full time, part time, out of the home, in the home, volunteer, self employed, whatever! We are busy! And it is time to let go of some of these old societal norms that keep us on a treadmill of guilt and anxiety over how we manage our homes.
We are over here doing all the things. Things for work, things for church, things for the kids, things for the house…things! Plus telling ourselves how we should clean better. Meanwhile, many of the husbands who want a cleaner house are not contributing to a cleaner house. They go to work, then come home and “need to relax.” I have a huge problem with that. And I don’t mind typing it here because my husband knows full well how I feel. Men, if you need to relax when you get home from work, your wife does too!! Do not expect her to get up, fix breakfast, get kids to school (or teach them at home,) go to work herself, run the errands, then come home and cook supper, and clean while you unwind. Doing that in this house results in the wife coming unwound in a totally different way. Women, do not allow your husband to guilt you over a messy house that he is also capable of cleaning. (Now, if you’re home all day that’s a different story, in that case you are the one with time to clean. But if you are also working, that argument doesn’t fly.)
If you love a clean house, and cleaning it until it shines brings you joy, do it! This blog isn’t here to guilt you into not caring, or even not posting your beautiful home on social media. This blog is here for those of us who find no joy in the cleaning. It is a mundane task that must be done lest the health department condemn our homes. Obviously, I’m not telling you to never clean again. I’m not recommending that you tell your husband to shut up and deal with it, but ladies, lets find a better balance, shall we?
This is what I have found to work for me. Maybe it will work for you too. Sunday.
Hear me out. Sunday is a day of rest here. We go to church in the morning, but we don’t do evening services, even though our church offers small groups (God said, “remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.” He never said, “live at the church all weekend.” REST, y’all!) So, we go to church, then we come home for lunch. And we eat as fast as possible because IT IS NAP TIME. No joke, every one goes to bed and sleep is strongly encouraged for everyone from 2 days to102 years old. After we have rested. After we have slept, or read, or scrolled, or whatever we wanted for several hours. Then we clean.
WE clean. Not me. Not just mom. Not just wife. WE. If you live in this house, you help clean on Sunday afternoon. From the baby in the family, to the husband — everyone has things to do. Kids rooms have to look like I just cleaned them (vs just tidied up during the week.) We vacuum, sweep, clean bathrooms, all the things. Some weeks that’s pretty much the only cleaning that takes place (except for laundry, because that can’t wait with 6 of us in one house!) But all weeks Monday starts with a fresh slate. It works for us. Give it a shot, it might work for you too!
Moms, we have enough stress without adding a bunch of guilt over how we clean. We could clean more. But that doesn’t necessarily mean we should. Don’t let the guilt of all that you “should” do kill your joy.
Mom of Monkeys 