I’m having one of those weeks, where I just can’t seem to parent. ADD is kicking tail, 3rd trimester of pregnancy has me worn out, I’m overwhelmed with “junk” on the brain. I just can’t parent…can’t really even “adult” for that matter.
So, I find myself falling back to the way my brain has always handled ADD, and system overload. I zone out. Totally, out. My kids are jumping on a bed. I told them to stop. Now one is crying. Oh…head bang. He came to me for a kiss. And here I sit.
I tell myself over and over I need to be more present with my kids. Just being in the same house, or the same room, is not the same as being WITH them. But then a week like this comes. Playing with the kids feels like torture. I can’t focus. They are talking and climbing on me. I can’t figure any of it out. Reading a Little Golden Book to myself seems more logical than trying to follow their games. So, I find myself on my phone or on the computer. Most of the time I’m not even seeing what is in front of me. But it gives my eyes somewhere to go.
I was diagnosed with ADD (no H) when I was about 8. I’ve always been thin and my mom worried I’d loose weight on medication, so they let me learn to deal with it. (I’m super glad they did, and I wish more parents would help their kids learn to cope, rather than running to the pharmacy.) Unfortunately, there is just so much you can do to override the brain when it shuts off.
Guys can think about “nothing.” Literally nothing on their mind. Girls do not come with this ability… unless you have ADD. Then you still can’t think of “nothing” you just get so many thoughts running at the same time that none of them make sense. If I was to just sit and think (aka zone out) my brain would go 150mph. Until some one walked up and touched or spoke to me. Then nothing. I wouldn’t even be able to tell you what I was thinking about just the nano-second before.
So, this week, I can’t parent. I’m really not sure what is going on around me. I probably shouldn’t be allowed to drive. Maybe I shouldn’t be in charge of children. I’m really glad the kids are playing together well. And I’m glad the house is mostly child-resistant.
Maybe, next week will be better.