Things Only Parents Need to Know

There are some things that I never even gave the slightest thought to before I had children. Now that I am a mother, however, I wonder how these things never concerned me before. After all, these are HUGELY important tidbits of information. They are now vital to my day to day existence. If you have children I bet you are already nodding in agreement… and if you don’t have children you still won’t understand even after reading through this blog multiple times.

  1. Rice can only be swept up off the floor if it is allowed just the right amount of drying time. I find 20 minutes to be the magic number; though this time frame will vary with climate, altitude, and the sticky-ness of the rice. This same general rule applies to legumes, pasta, and potatoes. However, there is no magic time frame to ever be able to sweep a green bean.
  2. No matter how often you sweep or how generally tidy you are, a crawling baby WILL find things to put in his mouth. The only time this rule has any wiggle room is with very deep carpet. In the case of deep carpet, some things will be sifted down into the fibers such that neither the vacuum, nor the baby can retrieve them.
  3. Nothing is more important than nap time. Nothing. This really doesn’t need much explanation. I mean, if mom is all tired and cranky how can she possibly be expected to deal with small children in even a remotely civilized manner?!
  4. All toys, especially people figures, must be named. This is super important, lest you all end up in a fit of frustration and despair because little Sally DESPERATELY wants that THING…but you have NO CLUE what she is talking about! This is big ladies, and gentlemen. Name the toys… Poppop, Pappy, Uncle Wessy, Aunt Gina, John Deere and Captain Eric (don’t ask) are just a few of the people in our little Cowgirl’s collection. We also have named horses, pigs, stuffed toys, etc, etc, etc.
  5. Find a food your child loves. There will come a day when the only food you can get in your tiny human’s mouth, is Fruit Loops. Accept it and move on. Figure out what food works and never, ever, EVER run out. Because the day you run out of yogurt is the day the toddler will break down into mass hysterics from hunger and the ONLY possible cure will be…yogurt. Bad day. Bad, bad day.

And there you have the top five life-hacks every parent needs, and no non-parent will ever understand. If you don’t have kids yet and are sitting here reading this going “Not MY child!” … I laugh. Because, yes, your dear little Einstein will one day demand pepperoni, and only pepperoni, for lunch. He will do this while playing with a toy pig named Too-too. All the while you will be attempting to sweep up rice that he dumped on the floor, and you’ll really want the other child to quit crawling around eating that rice…. And for them both to just let you NAP!


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